Drearily I wound my way downstairs: I knew what I had to do, and I did it
mechanically. I sought the key of the side-door in the kitchen; I
sought, too, a phial of oil and a feather; I oiled the key and the lock.
I got some water, I got some bread: for perhaps I should have to walk
far; and my strength, sorely shaken of late, must not break down. All
this I did without one sound. I opened the door, passed out, shut it
softly. Dim dawn glimmered in the yard. The great gates were closed and
locked; but a wicket in one of them was only latched. Through that I
departed: it, too, I shut; and now I was out of Thornfield.
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A mile off, beyond the fields, lay a road which stretched in the contrary
direction to Millcote; a road I had never travelled, but often noticed,
and wondered where it led: thither I bent my steps. No reflection was to
be allowed now: not one glance was to be cast back; not even one forward.
Not one thought was to be given either to the past or the future. The
first was a page so heavenly sweet--so deadly sad--that to read one line
of it would dissolve my courage and break down my energy. The last was
an awful blank: something like the world when the deluge was gone by.
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